If only....

We all say it, think it, and at times lead our life by it.  If only..... you fill in the gap.  If only I had more education then I would have a better job and could give my family more.  If only I had more money so I could travel.  If only I had more time to do the things I pinned on Pinterest.  If only.... We all have them.  Some more than others.  I had an if only day today.

If only I had more time seems to be the mantra.  If only I was more motivated.  If only sleep wasn't necessary.  If only.  A friend of mine gave me some new fortune cookie slips today and then asked how the novel was coming along.  I've been collecting them for quite a while now with the intention of writing a novel based around them titled, oddly enough 'Fortune Cookie'.  It's a great premise, I've got the basics mapped out and have storyboarded quite a few of the slips.  But I've not finished it.  I got my grand 50K words for Nano.  But most of that was filler that will disappear in editing.  Of course that made me think of 'Finding Galena'.  Another amazing (I think anyway) story concept that is sitting just over 50K words (again mostly filler...seriously I can get about 1000 words out of making a sandwich!).  Another friend refuses to read anything I write until I finish Galena for her.  If only I had more time, I'd write more/again/etc.  If only.

If only I had more time.  If I had more time I'd read more.  I love to read, have been reading since I was 4 years old.  At 7 I was reading at almost a collegiate level.  I can breeze through a book in a matter of days (or less) despite how 'thick' it might be.  I go through reading phases where I read more than other times but I always read.  Now, well I haven't picked up a book since summer.  Wait no, fall, when I read through a Danielle Steel in an afternoon.  I would love to get into book reviews.  I've done a few early last year but not really gotten into doing them.  Then suddenly the clock went haywire and time to read was impossible to find.    If only.

There are lots of if only's in my thought processes lately.  All the things I could do if only x, y, z.  Time is a hamper, this is true.  But motivation is a bigger hamper.  I work all day and when I come home I just shut down.  I lose myself in mindless computer games and DVR movies instead of doing laundry or even general cleaning.  I talk to the kids while they want to watch me play mindless computer games (Munch is always wanting me to play Plants vs Zombies for him.)  When I finally lay down for sleep my mind is still awake because I worry about the next day, week, situation, whatever.

If only I were more motivated I'd have more time to do the things I want to do.  Motivation is difficult.  But achievable.  Over the next few months I hope to make some major changes that will benefit me in multiple ways, including the if only stage.  Hopefully changes bring motivation.  And I can do more reading, writing, blogging, heck even cross stitch.  Hopefully I can actually start working with effort toward learning to knit and crochet again.  And motivation to achieve the things I 'want' to do will translate into motivation to do the things I need to do.  Motivation is not a work issue.  Work is amazing and I am constantly striving to do more, be more, do better and be better.  The Fizzy Pop Collection has no motivation issues.  I'm constantly plotting and planning and pouring new ideas and delivering candles.  Life just needs less 'if only' and more 'why not'.

What are your 'if only's'?